Inspired by her work with terminally ill patients, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist, formulated the five stages of grief. More commonly known as the Kubler-Ross Model, Kubler-Ross postulated a series of emotions that terminally ill patients experience prior to death, or what others go through after losing a loved one. The five proposed emotions, or “stages,” are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
My grieving period has started and it sucks.
No, no, no. I’m not terminally ill and busy writing out my will as my last breath quickly approaches (though, I might should get started on that…). In August I’ll be moving a few hours away and things have hit me hard all of a sudden. For the past 18 years of my life, this has been my home. My life is here. My family is here. My soulmate is here. I’m not losing a loved one; I’m losing a lot of loved ones.
Every turn I take there is a different memory.
That’s where my car died in traffic.
That’s where I pulled over and bawled my eyes out.
That’s where my mother had her wedding.
That’s where my Nana met an attractive young fella named “Adam” that has yet to be found again.
That’s the bench I sat on listening to someone pour their soul out to me, confused and lost.
That’s where I made one of the hardest phone calls of my life.
Those are the rose bushes I used to hide behind when I played hide & seek with my dad as a kid.
That’s where I saw my first snowfall in Alabama.
That’s where we made the stupid desicion of going to the beach in January and practically got hypothermia.
I know new memories can be made, and they will, but it doesn’t erase the memories I have already gained. I’m turning the page and starting a new chapter in my life. It’s exciting, but also makes me fearful and sad.
Why fear? Because the unkown is a scary place.
Why sadness? Because the love I have for this place and these people is so very deep.
Nevertheless, I’ve worked my hardest and given my all to get to this point in my life. I’m ready for what life throws at me. À vaillant coeur rien d’impossible.